Mind Over Matter

One of my favorite memories with my dad was the week that we got to spend together before he dropped me off at college. We did a road trip from Utah to California to visit family and then returned a few days later. The twenty hour round-trip car ride provided ample time for us to talk, connect with each other, and strengthen our relationship. I really enjoyed that experience. My dad always knows how to connect with me; he always says the right things in the right way to inspire me and pick me up. Of all the things he said over that week, one thing has stuck with me the most.

I have a habit of forming mental blocks: I doubt myself or convince myself that something isn't possible or worth doing. It happens in both marginal and big situations. For example, I got a concussion freshman year playing football and was told by the doctors that I shouldn't play again. I loved football and was pretty committed to it, but I tried to move on and find other things to do with my time. Two weeks before football tryouts my junior year, the doctors said I could play again. I haven't been lifting, the coaches won't recognize me since I didn't play, I haven't been running routes on my own, two weeks isn't enough to get ready. The mental list of reasons I shouldn't play just kept piling up and I decided not to try out. Senior year came around and again I built a mental wall that prevented me from trying out. To this day, I wonder how things might have been different if I believed in myself and at least gave it a shot.

My dad has recognized this about me and during one of our talks, he brought it up. I don't remember exactly what he said, but he said something along the lines that nothing but myself can keep me from doing ANYTHING. If I set my mind to something, who's to stop me? The resources exist, the opportunities exist, the only thing lacking is my determination and confidence. If I make use of all three, who knows what kind of experiences it will lead to?

The mind is an extremely powerful tool. One of my favorite professors this year, Randy Bott, illustrated this fact by using this analogy:

If a girl has anorexia, she has convinced herself that no matter how skinny she is, she is fat and  needs to lose weight. It's all in her head. You could get ten of the world's most qualified and respected doctors to tell her that she is not fat, and she wouldn't believe them. Why? Because in her mind she is fat and her mind is way more powerful than any outside source.

It's so true! Our mind can either be our biggest hindrance or our greatest enabler. With our talk, my dad inspired me to break down my mental barriers, believe in myself, and achieve whatever I want or dream. Ignore the nay-sayers. They will undoubtedly come, and many people will doubt or question you. Who says we have to listen to them? What good is it for us to let others run our lives? So how about you? Do you have far-fetched dreams? Do you have ambitions that you want to achieve? What's stopping you other than your own excuses and hesitancy? The world is out there, ours for the taking. Believe in yourself, find those who love and support you in your endeavors, and let's go reach our goals! Harness the remarkable power within yourself and go get it!

Judging A Book By Its Cover

Something happened to me the other night that humbled me a lot. I had the wonderful opportunity to volunteer at this activity where I did arts and crafts with children who were chronically ill. I love playing with cute, little kids! They can teach us so much and bring us so much happiness. Anyway, there was a kid with the dad following closely behind who approached the table I was working at. This child must have been three or four and had amazingly blue eyes and short blond hair. "Hey, bud! What's your name," I asked in an attempt to establish a connection and put the child at ease. After no response, the dad said, "Her name is Heather (name changed)! Hopefully she'll have hair in a few years." He said it with a reassuring smile in an attempt to minimize my embarrassment, but it barely helped. I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. I had just been administered a humbling dose of embarrassment and sadness.

I continued to play with Heather for a little bit after and was touched by how happy this beautiful little girl was. We finished her drawing and I sent her on her way. What didn't leave, however, was my disappointment in how presumptuous I had been. Granted, it was an honest, unfortunate mistake that I'm sure was quickly forgiven by Heather and her dad. But it got me thinking...

I've already touched on this a little bit in my Battles post, but I feel like everyone is so quickly to judge people by the way they look, act, talk, etc. Why? This world could be filled with the happiness exhibited by Heather if we looked past the minuscule physical details and instead looked on the heart of people. Everyone has something good to offer us, and everyone is seeking for acceptance from those around them. So why not be less presumptuous? Let's all try to be more accepting of those around us and welcome all into our circle of friends. We have nothing to lose, but everything to gain from it.

Running

There's something extremely refreshing about taking a long jog in fourteen degree weather as the sun sets and night fades in. The sun setting off in the distance, shedding its last bit of pink light on the tops of the mountains was almost too picturesque to be true.

I had the chance to take all that in tonight. It was after a long, busy day of classes and homework. I was super tired all day and didn't want to go, but I figured I would feel good after working out so I suited up and went.

I didn't know where I was going, I just took off and let my legs take me wherever they desired. As soon as I hit my rhythm, I just kept going. I jogged for at least half an hour in the brisk mountain air. The sidewalk was sporadically covered with footprint-laden ice left over from a recent snow storm, thereby making the run a little extra challenging and exciting. The condensation from my breath floated up and got stuck to the beanie I was wearing, causing a layer of frost to gather on the front of it. It was so cold, but so worth it. I felt free. I felt like I could run forever. I ran away from everything. I even ran away from myself.

My mind is one of my personal challenges. I tend to dwell on the past too much, become wrapped up in small things, and lose perspective. That's a very summarized version of the thoughts that cloud my daily living, sneaking their way in and out of the good, happy moments and thoughts I have.

While I was on the run, it was me and a clear mind filled only with the thrill of putting one foot in front of the other on a beautiful winter evening. Not a care in the world, whether social, personal, spiritual, or whatever else the case may be, crossed my mind once. I was amazed at how good I felt with a clear mind, an exercising body, and a perfect setting.

I will continue with my workouts, though I don't expect all to be equally amazing. Every once in a while something might click and I'll hit my stride, but for the rest of the time I'll enjoy working out for the sake of staying in shape.

Sometimes you just have to run away from everything, just get away and have some time for yourself and a clear mind. After such a refreshing experience, it is now my responsibility to learn how to deal with the thinking mind that I experience all the rest of the time. That's not a bad thing, just something that, as I work on it, will make me a stronger, better, and happier person.

Our minds are powerful tools, let's learn to use them wisely.

Nature

There are some things in life you would love to do more often but can never seem to find the time. My blog would be one of those things for me.

I'm a sucker for pretty nature scenes. There is nothing that puts you in your place and gives you greater perspective in life than when you look at the beauty and majesty of the earth and the sky above us. I am blessed to be at BYU where I am surrounded by beauty. I look out my window and see luscious fall colors on the trees with striking green contrast in the grass below. Behind all of this is the backdrop of beautiful snow-capped mountains.

I've hiked those mountains a few times this semester and have had the opportunity of looking out over Utah Valley and up above at the stars. I love looking out over huge expanses, especially when in a plane. It's really refreshing for me to gain eternal perspective like that when I feel like my days are clouded with narrow and short-term perspective.

Night skies overwhelm me. Just thinking of what's out there and how eternal the sky is blows my mind. I also love the symbolism of the sky. Example: Some of the stars we see now may not even exist anymore because they are so many light-years away. Wouldn't it be nice if we could live our lives like that? So well that our light and legacy left a bright spot in a dark world, even long after we were gone.

Nature also reminds me that there is a God. Such grand and profound beauty doesn't just happen. It's nice being outside and enjoying nature because it makes me feel closer to God.

I could geek out for hours about the wonderful nature scenes I've seen in my life, but I think I'll just go outside again and let nature speak for itself. You should too and see what you can gain from it. You'll never be let down by mother nature.

Battles

A lot can hide behind a smile. Depression, loneliness, divorce, all the above.

I've come to find out that a lot more people that I ever imagined are struggling with some major problems or difficulties, yet I always see everyone with a smile. How come people feel the urge to put on a face, a face that says "everything is okay" when really it's not? I've heard it said that people put up walls just to see who will break them down. If that's the case, wait right here. I'm going to get a hammer.

Mr. Faraone, the best English teacher I've ever had, had a quote on his wall from Plato that said, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." Truer words have never been spoken. It makes me question why anyone would ever feel the need to be mean. Even when joking or being sarcastic, putdowns hurt. I don't care who you are. It's like someone punching you but then saying it was a joke. That bruise on your arm says it wasn't. People already go through more than we realize, there's no need to complicate their lives any further.

Quite the opposite actually. Just look around. If you are a little more observant, look beyond yourself just a little bit more, you'll find those people who are struggling. And then it's time to start swinging the hammer. Think of how different this world would be if instead of putting people down, we built each other up. One can only imagine the effects.

If you're struggling with something, don't be afraid to open up to a trusted friend. You'll feel so much better. Also, look for opportunities to reach out to others. You can often minimize your burden by lifting another's. Funny how that works. Finally, try not to say anything mean, even in joking. It's completely unnecessary and more detrimental than funny. Your laughter should NEVER come at someone else's expense.

Language of the Soul

"Music is the literature of the heart; it commences where speech ends" -Alphonse de Lamartine

There are many quotes similar to this that express the same sentiment: music is the language of our souls. It speaks when words can't convey the message. I couldn't agree more. Music has a strange power to evoke and help us cope with emotion. Music can pump us up, calm us down, make us happy, make us sad.

Instrumental music can tell a story saturated with events and emotion. One of my favorite examples of this is "August's Rhapsody" from the movie August Rush. That song is phenomenal and musically tells the story of the whole movie. It speaks the sentiment of August's soul and his story in a way words can't.

While instrumental music is powerful, I love hearing lyrics people come up with to help convey their message. How eloquently some artists can express themselves and their emotions blows my mind. There are countless examples of this. I, like many others, use music to cope with emotions I feel. I could probably find a song with lyrics describing every emotion I've ever felt. I love doing this because music helps me express myself when words (as they often do) fail me.

I have tried writing my own music and have written a few songs. Unfortunately, I am never completely satisfied with the result because I have not yet found how to convey the emotions I have stored deep down. If music is the language of the soul, my music is currently learning how to speak. But I guess everyone has to start out with "goo goo ga ga".

I have always loved being part of music and band was a very big part of that experience. I played euphonium. I was second chair, our first chair was Chris, and our third chair was Scott. Not to toot my own horn, but we had quite an amazing euphonium section. One of my most memorable experiences from that class was when we three euphoniums had to hold out a whole note in a very exposed part of the song. We strived so hard to be perfectly in tune with each other and the majority of the time we were successful. As a result of being in tune with ourselves, we were also in tune with the tubas, saxophones, and other instruments in the band. Sounds cheesy, but that was a special experience for me. First to be creating such beautiful music and have it be so in tune was nice. But there's a lesson to be learned here. Everyone can make their own sound, and everyone is built to make their own sound. But if we strive to be on the same page and be unified and in tune, we will create beautiful harmonies that will make our human interaction so much more beautiful and worthwhile.

This has been quite a long post, but I just wanted to convey how beautiful music is and how much I love and appreciate it.

In Limbo

Well, I have officially been a graduate for almost a month now. It's a strange feeling. I couldn't wait to get out, and now I'm hesitant to move on (although I am ready/needing to move on). Gone are the familiar friends, strangers, and teachers. Gone are the familiar hallways and classrooms. Gone are the Friday night lights, walking through crisp air into the electric stadium as the cheers ramped up and the marching band played stand tunes in preparation for our next football victory. In all honesty, gone is my biggest love-hate relationship. Stone Bridge was my second home and I was blessed to attend such an amazing school, although sometimes I couldn't stand it. The variety of emotions I felt there and the variety of experiences I had there are hardly describable and the only testament of what Stone Bridge did for me is the person I am today.

So now I wait to embark on my next adventure, Brigham Young University. Many question why I chose BYU over the Air Force Academy, letting go of a dream in the process. All I can say is that I did what felt right in my heart, no matter how hard it was. I'm excited to get out to BYU to see what adventures I'll have there, who I'll meet, and who I'll become. I'm just about a month away, so I'll try to enjoy this month as my last month before officially becoming an adult.

Limbo is a really fun game, until it becomes your life. I can't wait to get on with my life and stop bending over backwards in limbo trying to figure out how to handle this transition and this whole growing process. I guess I could work harder on trying to enjoy it as part of the ride, but as with most everything in life, that's easier said than done.